Some people have asked, “What is the most important equipment to have on a farm?” On our farm it is not the big enclosed, air-conditioned tractor, the big non-enclosed, non-air-conditioned tractor, the backhoe, the combine, the plow, the sprayer, the over-seeder, the cutter, the rake, or the baler. Nope. It’s not any of these things. I think I just lost some of the big farmers.

It’s not the stock horse, the cows, the chickens, the goats, the barn cat, the farm dog, or the ranch hand. Now I’ve probably lost some of the smaller farmers as well. It’s not the cowboy hat, the work gloves, or the boots. Many of you probably think I’ve lost my mind.

“But wait! I’ve got it!” you say. “It’s the farm wife!” Oh, for this to be true. You see, I am one. Not only am I the wife of a farmer; I am a farmer myself. I work alongside my husband 7 days a week. I can drive the tractors and run the equipment, build electric fence, work the cattle, overseed, take off the hydraulics on the backhoe, put the hydraulics back on the backhoe. I can fix the flat tires, not just change the tire to a spare. I can plug the holes, mount it back on the wheel rim, and get the tire back in working order.

I can hook up to any trailer on the place, haul what needs to be hauled, and then back the trailer into its original parking spot when I’m done. I can irrigate the corn maze, tend to the pumpkins, and grow vegetables in the taco garden. I can direct the school field trips, design the corn maze, create the outdoor escape room, and wow our followers on social media. I can gather the eggs, wash the eggs, and cook the eggs into an amazing dish. I can doctor the chickens, vaccinate the calves, break the ice on a frozen water trough, take soil samples, fix a broken water pipe, and put out hay. There are very few jobs on the farm that I can’t do. I can work alongside my husband all day, and in the evening hear him say, “I had a lot of fun today.”

But, in this case, I know the truth, and, sadly, I agree that the farm wife is not the most important thing on the farm.

You really want to know what it is now, so here goes. It’s the UTILITY VEHICLE! Now before you slam me with your arguments, let me explain why. There are many types of utility vehicles including ATVs, SSVs, UTVs, 4-wheelers, 6-wheelers, 8-wheelers, 1-seaters, 2-seaters, 4-seaters, 6-seaters, hay wagons, and dump beds. They come in any color and style you could possibly want.

Ours is a 4-seater Kawasaki Mule.

I call him Jethro.

Don’t judge me.

Jethro

Here’s why I love Jethro and you should, too. When you need him, he doesn’t need to be caught in the pasture or pen. He is right where you left him. Unless your husband decides to take him and doesn’t tell you.

He doesn’t need to be brushed, saddled, or bridled. You just jump in and turn the key. Unless your husband used all the gas. You should check the gauge.

Jethro can haul a trailer, all your tools, and carry your helpers.

He’s a 4-seater, but he has been known to carry 10 adults with 2 standing on the sides. He especially likes to hit mud puddles at those times. He can go anywhere on the farm, except where there are mesquite thorns. You should check the tires.

You will become an expert at fixing flats.

Jethro is popular! Unlike the combine, the over-seeder, the sprayer, the plow, the cutter, the rake, the baler, or even the backhoe, Jethro gets used more than just a few weeks out of the year. In fact, Jethro goes out into the pastures every day.

That’s EVERY SINGLE DAY. Rain or shine, snow or sleet, Jethro has some place where he is needed. I’m a little jealous of Jethro’s popularity. Maybe I should make him a social media account.

Jethro hides people in plain sight. Strangely the cows don’t seem to see us when we are sitting inside. They walk right up to Jethro and sniff the tires, the bumper, the seats, and the bed. They even sniff us. It’s like we are not even there. But the minute we step out... Babam! The cattle think we appeared out of nowhere and they run. Jethro gets such a kick out of scaring them.

Jethro doesn’t get sick of building electric fence no matter how many times I tell him he should be. And touching the hot wire doesn’t bother him. Pro Tip: If you need to do some work on your electric fence, make sure you are not standing in water.

Or better yet, turn the fence off.

Jethro can separate bulls (or cows) that decide that moving to a new pasture is cause for a fight, which is frequent. He can transport a lost calf that got separated from the herd and can carry a sick calf to the barn with momma following closely behind. When one dingdong decides to make a run for it and causes a stampede, he can run ahead of the herd and steer them back in the right direction.

Jethro is tough and rugged and can handle bumps and dips in a pasture. He’s especially good at knocking down the giant ant piles that your husband likes to steer over when you’re not looking, throwing out of your seat. You should keep an eye out for these. Jethro can carry 10+ buckets of feed out to the cows in the pasture. He can stop beside a trough with just enough room for you to step out and pour the feed, protecting you from being trampled by hungry cows. Unless your husband is driving and puts his side near the trough. Then you just run in a large circle, bopping cows on the head with your buckets as you quickly pour feed in the nearby troughs. Jethro gets annoyed with this method of feeding and pops out of gear when your husband isn’t looking.

And sometimes when you accidentally disturb the beehive you were checking, Jethro can get you away. You might need to floor it. Honeybees are fast. And don’t forget your husband in your haste. Oops.

He can help stretch your fence after a car runs through it.

Fence repair is not his favorite thing, but he will sit perfectly still for it. Horses don’t usually like to be hooked to the come-along. Jethro can pull the big, air-conditioned tractor out of the muck when your husband gets it stuck. And he doesn’t remind your husband that you said he would get stuck if he went that way. He can drive quickly back to the house when your husband cuts his knee open with the chainsaw; and your husband’s blood sprays right off the seats with a garden hose.

He can push through the snow to break ice on the ponds and can rescue a newborn calf in a blizzard. He is a little too wide to drive through the corn maze, but he really wants to. Jethro doesn’t mind driving back and forth from the pasture to the tool room getting more screws, and then the drill, and those are vice grips, not a lock wrench. Oh, and those were the wrong size screws.

Jethro can mosey over to the neighbors to do a friendly check-in or borrow a tool. He can protect sensitive equipment from the rain, and, come to think of it, he can keep people mostly dry, too. He can be taken out for a leisurely evening farm check or sit quietly to the side for a romantic picnic at sunset with my husband. Wait. That’s only for me.

Jethro is a pretty good guy to have around. I will gladly step back and let him be the most important if he is there tomorrow when I need him. Don’t tell my husband I said that.

This article was originally published by Michelle Martin at The Ag Mag. Check out her social media, online magazine, and TV show.